Friday, February 10, 2006

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

I went to Giant Eagle today to get some produce so Corey can make me pasta with vodka cream sauce for Valentine's Day. They totally remodeled the store. It's now a "marketplace." All the clerks wear white with orange aprons, the walls and displays are painted light brown, and all the signs are written in cursive so you feel like you're in Tuscany rather than East Liberty. Which is all great. But the store is set up like a crazy person went wild and threw food all over the place.

Cheese is in three different places. Three! And cream isn't with the milk. It's with the butter. Is that usual? I can't even remember, but it felt weird. Organic tomatoes are next to the baked beans, while normal canned tomatoes are in the organic Italian section, where there are random refrigerators for homemade sauces. And toilet cleaner? In the back. Next to the bread. It was so trippy. It took me almost a half hour to grab canned tomatoes, cream, crusty Italian bread (near the fresh flowers) and toilet bowl cleaner.

So then I try to get on the bus. I say try because it was full to the bursting point with fat people. I had to take a few steps running to burst through the bulging bellies gathered at the doorway. Two fat women filled a row of four seats. There were fat children taking up entire aisles. Everyone on that bus was fat. And one fat lady had her enormous, Gommy-sized pocketbook on the grocery shelf. So I had no choice but to stand in the aisle with my shopping bags and bookbag with no free hand to grab the strap. And you know I can't stay upright on a moving bus! So I was falling into fat bellies and banging into big fat thighs. It made me sick. I was staring at all the jeans with gaping seams and glad I wasn't a down coat clinging for dear life to a ginormous fat bosom.

This is why Corey working second shift is a bad idea.

5 comments:

Jinbon H Wrong aka Sloop John B said...

Marketing to the chi-chi seems to be overcoming efficiency. Its "the experience of shopping" not the end result. More buying is projected, most likely.

Do we need Tuscany in Pittsburgh?
Visa versa? I can see if the intent is the sensual or the intoxicating or the pleasant or whatever, but I think the intent is multiplied prices and sales.

http://noninfindibulum.blogspot.com/

Em said...

As much as I appreciate the softer feel of the stores and greater availability of organic items, it's too much. If they could junk all the processed stuff and condense the number of items they offered, and then organize them coherently--Then that'd be an awesome grocery store.

Jordan Lev said...

Grocery stores intentionally put things on opposite sides of the store so that you have to walk buy all the shiny things along the way in the hopes that you'll buy their crap. Also, they change the layouts every couple of months so that you don't get used to one way and know exactly where to go, otherwise you'd start not noticing the shiny things.

Em, you should come out to Portland Oregon some time -- every other grocery store is like what you described (unfortunately they're more expensive, but it's worth it for some things).

Katy said...

Plus Portland has Amy's Nuts.

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