I forgot to go to my midwife appointment yesterday. Just forgot to go. It was written on the calendar in the kitchen. It's a pretty important thing, a midwife appointment. You know, to verify that the human being I'm gestating is doing ok. Seems pretty monumental. But I forgot!!!
I discovered the forgettal at around 7 last night--way too late to call and deal with it. That meant I had to suffer anxiety overnight and into this morning. I'm anxiously awaiting 830 so I can call and deal with this.
Corey can't understand why I'm so upset. He thinks people miss appointments all the time. And he's right. But I am NOT those people. I'm just better than them. It's in my genetic makeup. I keep appointments. Always. And they live in my brain regardless of whether I write them down. Not only do I remember all my appointments, but I remember Corey's. In high school, I had a flaky friend and I used to remind HIM of his appointments...for CHEMO. Katy does not just forget things. It's appalling.
The worst part is this is the second time this has happened in a one week period. Last Wednesday, I was supposed to go see the new slavery exhibit at the Heinz History Center with my friend Libby. We talked about it for weeks, even discussed the day before: meet there at 1230.
So at 1230 Wednesday, Libby calls. I'm in my pajamas, teeth unbrushed, working on a draft at my desk. Completely oblivious to our plans. I had to race down there, fight the parking gods in the Strip, and explode, breathless, into the museum.
I feel like someone has hijacked my body and I'm standing outside, pounding on the door, begging to be let back in. I just don't recognize myself and it makes me afraid, honestly. What else have I forgotten? What editor is sitting out there furious with me for missing a deadline? What interview subject is pissed that I missed an appointment? Whom have I forgotten to invoice???
I read that pregnant women become forgetful and drop things, but I never believed that something so integral to my being, my iron trap memory, would fade away from me. This is a terrifying wakeup call for me. Something very, very complicated is happening in my body and I'm not sure how to make it through.
Just called maternal fetal medicine and talked to Kim on the phone. She said, "uh..ma'am? Your appointment is for January 21. It has not happened yet..."
My God, what has happened to me?