Thursday, January 15, 2009

How Could This Happen?

I forgot to go to my midwife appointment yesterday. Just forgot to go. It was written on the calendar in the kitchen. It's a pretty important thing, a midwife appointment. You know, to verify that the human being I'm gestating is doing ok. Seems pretty monumental. But I forgot!!!

I discovered the forgettal at around 7 last night--way too late to call and deal with it. That meant I had to suffer anxiety overnight and into this morning. I'm anxiously awaiting 830 so I can call and deal with this.

Corey can't understand why I'm so upset. He thinks people miss appointments all the time. And he's right. But I am NOT those people. I'm just better than them. It's in my genetic makeup. I keep appointments. Always. And they live in my brain regardless of whether I write them down. Not only do I remember all my appointments, but I remember Corey's. In high school, I had a flaky friend and I used to remind HIM of his appointments...for CHEMO. Katy does not just forget things. It's appalling.

The worst part is this is the second time this has happened in a one week period. Last Wednesday, I was supposed to go see the new slavery exhibit at the Heinz History Center with my friend Libby. We talked about it for weeks, even discussed the day before: meet there at 1230.

So at 1230 Wednesday, Libby calls. I'm in my pajamas, teeth unbrushed, working on a draft at my desk. Completely oblivious to our plans. I had to race down there, fight the parking gods in the Strip, and explode, breathless, into the museum.

I feel like someone has hijacked my body and I'm standing outside, pounding on the door, begging to be let back in. I just don't recognize myself and it makes me afraid, honestly. What else have I forgotten? What editor is sitting out there furious with me for missing a deadline? What interview subject is pissed that I missed an appointment? Whom have I forgotten to invoice???

I read that pregnant women become forgetful and drop things, but I never believed that something so integral to my being, my iron trap memory, would fade away from me. This is a terrifying wakeup call for me. Something very, very complicated is happening in my body and I'm not sure how to make it through.

Just called maternal fetal medicine and talked to Kim on the phone. She said, "'am? Your appointment is for January 21. It has not happened yet..."

My God, what has happened to me?


Valtastic said...

They call it "pregnancy brain"... you're body is focused on important things like keeping your body healthy, you also have increased amount of oxytocin which causes amnesia like affects. Once you have the baby you'll be neurotically planning and staying on schedule again. ;)

east side girl said...

This is hilarious! You are not alone in your forgetfulness, that's for sure! And Valtastic is right...once you have the baby, you will once again be able to hone in on every little detail...despite the sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn.

Jane said...

Yeah, I used to blame it on chemo brain. Now it is just forgetfulness. I can write notes and ignore them, too.

Laura V said...

Katy, you crack me up.

Then again, I am the person who has been writing down appointments in three places (including iCal, and setting a reminder notice), because my brain is a sieve these days.

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite t-shirt sayings is, "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids." Maybe you're just inheriting yours a little early....Either that or you have joined the ranks (no pun intended) of us older folks.