Friday, January 09, 2009

Cans

Lately, I've been upset about boobs. I would say the distress began in earnest the week of Christmas, when I finished the "Fight Gone Bad" workout and the body part that hurt the most was not my lungs but my nipples. One of my least favorite side effect of pregnancy is the boob pain. Fifteen minutes of exertion, and my chest was screaming, literally stabbing knives into my guts and making me want to die in a way nothing really ever has before.

My boobs held the center of my attention that entire day, and I noticed two things: my largest Frog Bras no longer fit and my tremendous tatas also squirted out the sides of my Hallelujah bra. These are the sorts of names bras have when they are large enough for my DD, unpregnant boobs. Swollen with second-trimester progesterone, I'm now entering the territory of bras with names like "Last Resort." Bras with buckles, straps, scaffolding. Over the shoulder boulder holders, if you will. Emphasis on the boulders.

Because man, do I have boulders. And they aren't even full of milk yet! I don't know what the hell I'mg going to do to contain them. My friend Laura had bigger boobs than mine pre-pregnancy. She has to special order her bras from England. Sure, I could go to Olga Warner with the old, Mennonite, mustachioed ladies and buy something beige. One of those, including underwire, would be ok for teaching or even grocery shopping.

But what the hell am I supposed to wear to exercise? Even before a baby swelled my bosom, my boobs would fall into my mouth during inverted yoga postures. They practically punch me in the face when I'm running. Is it too much to ask for the country to make big, sturdy bras for athletic endeavors? Why can't I go to Dick's like the rest of the athletes and actually try on my bras before purchasing?

Some of my buxom friends double up the flimsy little paper things from Wal-Mart. They buy like 80 of them at a time and wear them until they fall apart--two to three minutes probably.

This isn't a solution. That's at best a compromise.

I want bras. I want sturdy, compressing bras for my now DDD breasts. I'm not even asking for something pretty or something Tyra Banks would wear. Just something that keeps my boobs in the middle of my chest and my nipples still so they don't fire off another round of shrapnel into my body when I do burpees.

7 comments:

Em said...

Have you looked into compression vests? Not bras but actual compression vests? They have them at surgical supply places. My mom had to wear one briefly after her lumpectomy.

PeaceLoveMath said...

Duct tape? or maybe knit one for yourself? Better yet crochet - faster and less stretchy. Cotton yarn is the least stretchy yarn, too. But sew in a lining or you'll get bumpy imprints on your boobs.

More seriously, have you tried Cacique? Lane Bryant's "intimates" line. I have a couple of friends who love Cacique. Altho I just checked their website, and while they have both "sports bra" and "maternity bra" categories, they have no products listed under either right now. But check it out anyway.

Laura V said...

@PeaceLoveMath -- LB's band sizes start probably quite a bit larger than Katy's band size. Last I heard, they started at 38.

Katy! I will let you know how my new bras are when they come in...I am super-excited that I might be able to start running again!

JL said...

i sympathize with you. however, i can, in no way, relate to what you are saying.

good luck out there, katy's boobies!

Valtastic said...

No don't do compression.. they are bad for your breast... they make the breast tissue softer and therefore saggy boob syndrom (I've been reading a lot about boobs lately... I don't know why)

Spanish Esther told me about Under armor sports bras... and she's right they are amazing.. their dual ply bras. Lululemon also had amazing ones... but then they discontinued it... so I bought two more..

kk said...

Maybe your OB/GYN may have some suggestions.

Em said...

A compression vest worn only for exercise is not going to make anything saggy. If a person was wearing it all day every day, sure. But not for an hour a day.