After a long day of internet searching, self diagnosis, and mild panic attacks, I discovered that my zucchini vine is not, after all, a master plant. It is a horny male with no ladies around and, because of a continued bee blight, my fruit flowers aren't having any sex! What I thought were neat little baby zucchinis are just really stems that aren't going to get any bigger. Ever.
The result of my research is that I have to wait for a sunny day (rare in Pittsburgh...it has rained for the past 30 days in a row...not exaggerating at all) when the flowers will bloom. Then, as soon as I see those big yellow suckers open up, I have to run out there with a Q-tip and rub it all over one flower, then rub it all over the other one. I have no idea which flowers are boys or girls, so I might make some lesbian zucchinis inadvertently. Either way, I need to pull a Yente and help my garden along.
All this time I've been feeling so smug about my advanced gardening skills! Turns out I am a total novice and it will be eons until I get any fruits.
After years of nomadic temporary employment, advanced degrees, and chocolate ice cream, a rugger with a love of knitting and a cyclist with no domestic skills signed a Ketubah and bought a house in Pittsburgh.
2 comments:
Do zucchinis need a specific kind of bee? Colony collapse affects honeybees only, yeah? There are tons of non-honeybees around my garden (it is bumblebee paradise, apparently). So there are definitely bees in the neighborhood.
I think tomorrow's supposed to be sunny.
Wow...who knew the Zucchini needed to be stimulated!?? Fun stuff!!
You have way more of a green thumb than me, I wish I had the motivation to grow a garden. Maybe next year...
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