Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Temper

For the first time in my rugby career, meaning for the first time since I was 18 years old, I lost my temper during a rugby game. I've been known to sputter a few angry words now and then, or point out loudly when I feel I see some obstruction, but nothing matches what I did this weekend. I strongly believe the enormous stress I've been under regarding graduation built to a breaking point and contributed to my explosion.

We were playing against a team of dirty cheaters. I don't know that I've ever seen such angry cheaters, and even during the first half when I was observing, I was getting angry. I couldn't understand WHY this team was playing nasty rugby. They seemed to be skilled, they had some athletic players, and if they devoted their energy toward good and not evil, they could have been beating us. Lord knows they threatened our goal line numerous times.

Anyway, I came in the game determined to dominate them in the scrums. And we did.* We were stronger than them, pushed them backwards and stole their balls. And they hated it. So their hooker cheated.

She did this terrible thing some hookers do, where she tried to hook my leg up and out of the way, bash me in the face with my own knee. In the process of doing this, she clipped my Achilles tendon with her metal rugby spikes, and it hurt like poop.

"YOU EFFING C WORD!" came hurling out of my mouth. The real words, in all their anger. Everything stopped. Everyone on my team stared at me, nobody knew what was going on, and their hooker tattled on me. (As if the ref didn't hear)

"She called me an effing c word!" She kept yelling it, and saying her leg slipped. In retrospect, I see that the only way she could have known I was talking to her was because she knew she was a dirty cheater. I mean, I could have been talking to just about anyone. But I got so angry that she was tattling on me, when she was the cheater. I put on my teacher voice and I started lecturing her about cheating. I even wagged my finger.

Captain Kelly pulled me back and out of the way so I could calm down and the game just kept going. We won, 5-0.

I didn't like feeling that angry and out of control. Why was that, the most awful of words, the first to come out of my mouth? It's not the Katy I want to be ever again. Events like that just tell me how deeply graduate school is affecting me, and let me see how glad I'll be to see the back of it.

*When I told my coach I thought we did this, he pointed out that we were wheeled a few times. I still felt good in there...*

5 comments:

PeaceLoveMath said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rassclat (also mentions the other Jamaican word you used in your last post)

Valtastic said...

wow that must have been an awkward social for you...

Anonymous said...

I remember when penn state played U of AZ in the sweet 16's in poopsy NY. I the hooker repeated kneed me in the face. All I could do was turn my head. I retaliated by stealing their already won next scrum- taking the ball from underneath their seconds rows. Pete later asked "did someone piss you off?" Good work on completing Grad school and to a new chapter about to begin. NG.

Em said...

It's happened twice (neither time on the rugby field), and I hope it never happens again.

kk said...

I think you should have called her a FCSC. The first CS representing our favorite Deadwood word. Cheaters deserve the most words we can muster up at the time. We all lose our tempers now and then, so don't sweat the small stuff. Your book is done and returned, you won the game without cheating, and your have Cory at home to hold you. Life is good:+) Enjoy it...