I drove in to campus this morning to hopefully row a bit and print the "light reading" my professor assigned us for our day off. I parked the car in a lovely end spot with 45 minutes on the meter. Life was great, despite the rain that would be snow if we hadn't destroyed the environment. I got out my Totes pocket umbrella and opened it up, only to be smacked in the face seconds later when it blew inside out in the wake of the 61C zooming past.
That thing blows inside out if you look at sternly. I got so angry. I stole that umbrella from the lost and found for its portability and how does it repay me? By being a piece of garbage. I bet it was abandoned in the Cathedral of Learning on purpose. As it is, the thing only gives me six inches diameter of rain coverage.
When I was at Penn State, it used to rain all the time. I had a beautiful red umbrella with, I think, gerbera daisies all over it. Nance bought it for me from Avon. I had to abandon that umbrella in a youth hostel in Munich, and when I got back a new wave of umbrellas had taken over campus. Double decker golf umbrellas with enormous Nittany Lion heads were poking me in the eye up and down Pollock. I had to have one.
I went to the book store and spent thirty dollars on a maroon and navy striped golf umbrella, complete with screw-in hole for attachment to lawn chairs or golf carts or tripods. I took up far beyond my share of sidewalk space and used to knock blossoms off trees with my umbrella, which is bigger than my backpacking 2-man tent.
That umbrella is so sturdy and large. It is not a 2-story, but it covers my entire body, even when I have my monstrous LL Bean backpack sticking out behind me like a dorsal fin. I love it. I used to hog the streets of New York City with it, open it at the top of the subway entrances. Sometimes I didn't even fit under construction scaffolding and had to walk in the streets. People hated me. I was dry. I was authoritative with that umbrella.
Why did I steal that pocket size pathetic excuse for a rain shield? I'd be better off ripping the nylon off and wearing it as a rain bonnet like my Nana used to have. I'm going to leave that dinky waste of space where I found it, abandon it for the next sucker, and only use my American Bigger and Better, Large and In Charge, Rain Repelling Machine from now on.
After years of nomadic temporary employment, advanced degrees, and chocolate ice cream, a rugger with a love of knitting and a cyclist with no domestic skills signed a Ketubah and bought a house in Pittsburgh.
5 comments:
so let me guess- giant umbrella on the wedding registry. :)
~Val
my man got a great big umbrella for X-mas. It is also a big unbrella for the golf corse, you would not want the putter to get wet. Any way it is called a gust buster, it has slits cut into it so the wind can blow through it and not turn it inside out. What a great idea for when the 61C goes zooming past you.
I don't like umbrellas! I never have. I do much better with a combination of hooded and cloak-like apparel.
Val, you should go whole hog and get her a SunSetter awning. Now that's making an impression.
i agree with em...i like my llbean blue gortex raincoat. it's actually getting kind of old and leaky, might be time for a new one in a year or two. or, if you're putting an umbrella in your wedding registry, maybe i'll put matching llbean gortex raincoats for paul and me! tee hee.
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