I went to get my face waxed today in preparation for the rugby banquet. Once a year, the gang of us puts on dress clothes and tries to be presentable, at least for the first half hour or so. I'm going to wear my new red dress and my fancy leg warmers to keep out the chill. I thought I would get my eyebrows nicely shaped and do away with the fuzz above my lip. Sometimes girls need to groom. Even rugby girls.
There is only one nail/wax place known to me in my neighborhood. I don't like going there because the wax artist makes fun of me. Seriously. She mocks me in front of the other customers. This place doesn't have a back room where they wax you. You park yourself on the massage chairs inside the entrance and they yank the hair off your face where everyone is picking out nail polish.
Today I was waiting my turn and a flustered woman blew in the door and said "Let me go in front of you! I'm on house arrest and I have to be home in twenty minutes." Touched as I was by her story, I knew my procedure would only take 3 minutes. They might be mean here, but they are swift. I did, however, grill this woman to see if she knew of another nail place.
"They make fun of me here. Just wait and see. Where else can I go??"
The wax lady came over, saw it was me, and started in on her usual routine. "Oh!! It you! You soooooo hairy. Teeeheee." She smeared the wax and ripped out my barely visible blond unibrow. "Just cause you hair white don't mean there not a lot of it! You very hairy! Teehee!"
Inside my head, I thought "No shit. That's why I'm paying you to help me out." What woman wants her face hairs brought to attention? We all pretend they aren't there. Even at the place of removal, we don't talk about the face hairs. We slink into the salons and get our problems taken care of with a nod and a nice tip. We don't laugh at the customers!
She kept going, dripped wax on my lip skin. "This better for you. Not so hairy anymore. See? Not hairy!"
I wanted to kick her, to tell her to just shut the hell up and wrench the hairs from the root so I would never have to see her again. I clenched my teeth and muttered "Just wax me, bitch." Only she didn't hear me because she was giggling at my face hairs.
The house arrest lady nodded in sympathy and told me I should go to the place on Penn Circle, where they do a damn good job. Now I have to decide which is worse: the humiliation of the first place or the parallel parking involved in the new option.
At least I look nice in my dress.
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8 comments:
take pics of everyone dressed up! you not so hairy....
You're like, one of the least hairy persons I can think of. Don't keep giving your money to those jerks.
Why don't you tweeze and how was the party?
~Val
Aleast your hairy face is blonde! I got what little jew my mom has and what little italian my dad has to make this furry face of mine. I have a feeling if I went to that salon, "hair hating lady" would want to wax my whole face!
-Chubaka(Adds)
it's like elaine's nail salon in that seinfeld episode where they talk about her in korean and she can't understand them, but she's sure they're all laughing at her, so she brings in jerry's dad who speaks korean and he blows their cover! hahahahaha.
I say DEADWOOD to her. I will come to Pittsburg and give you a parallel parking lesson. Then you can go to the other place and have your lip waxed. But first I think we should go to this mean waxer and have some fun at her shop. I hope you took pictures in your red dress.
I used to go to the Supercuts right across from Buffalo Blues and they were quick, nice, and never mocked my hair. It was pretty cheap too!
You should park at T.O.P. Shadyside and walk over to Penn Circle.
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