Glum

I have to miss my rowing class tonight. For numerous reasons, including treacherous road conditions and a meeting with my professor, I am unable to drive down to the boat house. I question whether anyone has even plowed the path leading to the Millvale facility, but either way I can't go.

I keep weighing the options in my head and trying to work out a way to get there. Which is silly because it makes my day eons easier not to go. I can do the same workout on campus by myself. There is just something about having a room full of people to beat that makes me row harder in class. Or maybe it's Sonja yelling at me to pull harder.

I hate how I get myself really worked up on a routine. I feel like Rainman, repeating to myself that I have to miss rowing. Like I can't accept it as fact unless I say it internally 7,642 times. How I get stuck like that? Some little person inside me keeps yanking on my esophagus telling me that I'm missing the last class and what if they do something fun or worry where I am or hold up the whole boat waiting for me just in case and then think I'm a quitter if they ever see me again.

I just know this is going to ruin my whole day.

But I also know I made the right decision. It's bad out there. They delayed schools and it's 8 degrees and I know the bridges will be slick.

In a few hours, I'm going to be sitting with the stapler student and not paying attention to his worry stories because I'll be stuck with my own. Can it really be productive when two people with OCD are in a room together? Me dwelling on missed rowing and him stuck on whether he will get a fellowship for grad school 6 years from now...we'll probably both have heart attacks this evening.