Wednesday, December 06, 2006

My Morning at Work

Katy (on cell phone with student A): Why did you throw all your papers in the garbage can?
Student A: I hate that class
Katy: But you have to turn them all in with your portfolio to pass it. You don't want to take it again.
Student A: Shit. Fuck. Can you get them out of the trashcan for me?
Katy: No. Come back here and do it yourself.
Student A: (Long pause, deep sigh) It wasn't such a bad class.

Katy (on cell phone with student B): Are you coming for your appointment today?
Student B: Shit! Is it 9am already?
Katy: It's 930.
Student B: Oh. Well. I am in the middle of something and I'll be right there. (Whacking sound. Muffled voices.)
Student B (talking to someone else): Knock it off, douchebag. I'm talkin' to my tutor.
Katy: What are you doing?
Student B: We're having a Gold Bond war right now. I just hit Student C in the face with a sock full of powder. I'll be there in ten minutes. I gotta take a shower.

Katy: Student D, do you have a pencil I can borrow?
Student D: Yeah, sure. Here you go.
(Student D hands me a pencil covered in sticky goop. It is disgusting. I don't take it from him)
Katy: What is on your pencil, Student D?
Student D: (contemplates pencil for a long time) I think it is pear juice. Would you like a pear?
Katy: No, thank you.

Student D proceeds to bite into a pear and pulls sausage links from his backpack. Not from a bag or other food container made of paper, cardboard, or plastic. Loose sausage links floating around in his bag among his pencils and pens and notebooks. Student D is from an Eastern European country where, perhaps, it is normal to carry loose sausage in one's backpack. I am too overwhelmed with the desire to laugh hysterically that I need to leave the room and take a small walk. When I return, he is eating a banana.


Anonymous said...

one of your best posts ever.

Anonymous said...

So seriously when I was in college all the boys would put chicken nuggets in there pockets to have snacks when they got hungry again. And I know they didn't wash there pants regularly.


Can't wait for this weekend!

ninny said...

like floyd's radishes in his pockets?...

Em said...

Are your days always this exciting? You always make me think I'm in the wrong line of work.

Anonymous said...

Gold Bond Wars.

It would never occur to me to put powder in a sock and it someone with it. Actually, that's not totally true. It would never occur to me to go through with it, because of the obvious mess to come....

Was this all in ONE day?

Anonymous said...

Teaching offers opportunities for interacting with people that you can't get elsewhere. I'll try to post next week about telling my classes I'll be taking a medical leave.

kk said...

I love the gold bond idea I think I will have to to that on the beach this summer. It will look so good on a black bathing suit:+) So i need to know did student A dig in the garbage for the papers?????

Katy said...

There was no digging in the trash. Student A has resigned himself to failing the class after his little outburst. This seriously all happened yesterday. I think because it's finals time they all have their minds in crazy places.

Anonymous said...

so studentA would rather retake the class than get his papers out of the trash??

youth today.

Soupie said...