Wednesday, January 09, 2008

At Wit's End

**SPOILER**
I just watched Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I looked forward to it for so long, being deeply in love with Johnny Depp and intrigued by the sea lore, etc. While I acknowledged the overwhemingly complicated plot, I let it ride. I knew it would work out into the happy Disney ending I wanted. I don't watch these movies because I want to be stimulated and think about the gripping reality of life. I watch because I want Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly to do it and live happily ever, breeding pirate babies. I also want the bad guys to die and the other characters to get archetypal revenge until all is right in the world.

But that DID NOT HAPPEN in this movie. Instead, Elizabeth Turner sits at home on her ass and has to wait around, seeing her true love only one day every decade. That's bullshit! That's not a marriage and it's not romantic. It's not like they are communicating. It's not like he is texting her from the netherworld to say he loves her every now and then. No communication, no looking at his face, no smelling his hair, no laughing at his farts. Nothing. One day. Ten years. That's it.

As a woman, I resent this ending. Why should the woman have to sit at home and raise their son and wait for him while he ferries souls across the great divide? Why shouldn't she get to have a real and present marriage? As a person in a romantic relationship, I am also affronted by this ending. It isn't happy when they have to be separated like this. It does not deserve the swelling music the filmmakers added there. I keep thinking about what I would do if Corey were shipped off to Iraq. If I didn't get to look at him for even one year, I would be devastated.

One day? Ten years? It's such crap that it kept me up all night.

Elizabeth also has to raise a child completely on her own in a time when it's not like women are allowed to work for a living. (Because they procreated after one sandy attempt, such is his mighty sperm) She can't be a banker in the 1800s. She can't go run an advertising agency. What's she doing for money?

As I lay there dwelling on the horror of that ending, my worst nightmare come to life on screen, I thought up my own new ending. Elizabeth sneaks aboard the Flying Dutchman while Will is playing with his son, whom he meets for the first time at age ten, mind you. Elizabeth lights the ship on fire and burns it, so there is no Flying Dutchman to ferry souls and Will is freed from having to captain it.

Then he can come home to her and that would be an appropriate ending. I'm so upset.

9 comments:

kk said...

I too was disappointed at this movie, but not for the same reasons you are. All I wanted too see was more of Johnny Depp, in the nude:+) So take a deep breath, drink a beer and love your man. And look forward to Pirates 4

PeaceLoveMath said...

there's going to be a 4??? there's not going to be a 4, is there?

anyway, i am glad you ruined it for me, because it sounds dreadful and now i won't waste time seeing it.

PS: when can corey get me bike shoes and pedals? i want them before spring!

Valtastic said...

i was too disapointed... who wants to see orlando that infrequently???

If you like Johnny go see Sweeny Todd!

Katy said...

oh i saw sweeney todd. he even managed to be sexy in that movie. i don't know how he does it...much better ending, that one!

Em said...

Horrible, horrible movie. I hate that interesting movie concepts have been turned into franchises like bad serial SFF fiction.

Valtastic said...

Em.. interesting movie concepts? It's called a disney ride where they got this from... :P

Em said...

Yeah, Val, but the first one was definitely witty and well-acted. The next two are typical PWP? Bruckheimer flicks.

carolynesutra said...

Katy I think it's a pretty typical Disney ending to leave the woman home alone waiting for her true love to come home, as a good woman should. (note: I have not seen this movie). In most Disney movies I remember, the woman is pretty much driven by the quest to get her man, and once she gets that, she's docile and placent and content to sit and await the next moment she may see him, in the meantime rearing his spawn for future generations.....

PeaceLoveMath said...

I couldn't tell you had lots of feminist friends or anything...tee hee.