Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Astonishing Discoveries

I had no idea that there was such a thing as a toilet snake, or that one could be purchased for around $10. Why don't I have one? Why don't we use this thing all the time instead of the stinky plunger that quotes bible verses at us? (John 14:6 is on the handle. I question whether this is evangelism by Home Depot or a fun joke by the plunger maker) Is it harmful to the toilet to snake it all the time? Because our old pipes require frequent "adjustment, " and I think the snake beats out the plunger any day. I think I'll take Em's advice and buy one before my nephew gets here in two weeks. Lord knows what he'll try to flush.

I also had no idea that Google's documents allowed for so many cool options. I really question why I use Word at all now that I've given myself a tour. The functions I use most (spell check, font changes, double space) are all available AND there is a neat little analysis thing that tells me the reading level and difficulty of my writing. How rad is that? It also tells me word counts and paragraph lengths and other things important to people who are paid by the word. Plus, I don't have to carry around a USB thingy. It's all just in there all the time, whenever I need anything. Computer crashes? My thesis is ok! It's all on google! (I suppose a drawback to this would be a power failure that took away my Fios...but who can write with no internet anymore anyway?)

Finally, I have discovered that I am a terrible dodgeball player. I'm just really sucky. All balls I throw are caught and most balls thrown at me strike paydirt. The best I can do is tip a ball into a teammate's hands, getting myself out, but giving them a ball to throw back at the other team. I saved Corey's life like this last night in a dodgeball game. By life I mean ability to continue playing dodgeball. Unlike most things I'm terrible at, I am not overwhelmed with desire to be better for some reason. I think I'm ok being a bad dodgeballer. I know that this is just off-season activity and that, come March, I'll return to a world where, if I am not good, I am at least driven by fire to constantly improve. Dodgeball has become the one thing in the world where I can suck and not care, a fleeting thing that doesn't keep me up at night. There had to be something! That's a nice thing to realize.


Jane said...

You don't know how to get all that in Word? File, Properties will give you all that and more. Back up your work! Use that flash drive!

Katy said...

Oh I know how to do it in Word. I just hate Word and love that I've found an alternative. (The new Word, incidentally, no longer has "file" as a menu...another reason to seek freedom!)

Em said...

Thank you for this revelation. I have office XP currently, but was resigned to switching to Open Office when they made me upgrade to whatever the hell the new version is. There is a reason I have a PC and not a Mac, and that reason is that I respond to words better than to pictures. Yes, I am a freak philistine who can neither comprehend nor appreciate the nuances of cutesy illustrations meant to represent menu titles!

User-friendly, my lily-white ass.

Ryan said...

Don't think of it as dodgeball... think of it as Ghosts and Goblins, Cops and Robbers or Ducks and Hunters. Mr. Eberly style! ya crybaby. :)

PeaceLoveMath said...

1. I was wondering why you didn't just buy yourself a toilet snake of your own, but didn't consider that you might think it was some expensive, un-buyable thing. We have one.

2. My dodgeball strategy was always to not get hit, which I was pretty good at, but like you I couldn't ever catch the balls thrown at me, and if I threw a ball at someone else it either missed them by a mile or was super-easy to catch.