Red Beard the Savior

This is a pirate's tale of risk and danger, thrill and rescue on the high seas. It ends in romance and involves an attack by a barracuda, I kid you not.

Once upon a time, Red Beard the Pirate took his captive princess on a treacherous voyage in the rocky seas, amidst a fiery hurricane. The sea was rough that day, my friends. The wind roared and the watercraft, the USS Sunfish, galloped across the waves. Red Beard laughed into the gale and told the princess to open up the sail. "Let out the sheet!" he bellowed.

Red Beard grew addicted to the speed of the craft. He chased the wind with abandon and, noticing a shift in the breeze, shouted "Coming about!" The boom jerked to starboard and the princess, pale and frightened at her first sailing misadventure, was not quick enough. The craft capsized, spitting the princess and the pirate into the ocean.

The princess remembered the warnings of the snorkling instructor the day before: These waters are infested with barracudas! Look out! She clung to the bow and screamed as the keel floated away from the ship. Red Beard's reflexes kicked in and he acted in a flash.

He threw off his pirate hat and pirate sunglasses and dove into the depths to save the keel. The princess shrieked as he coerced her from the bow, where she clung like the prow of a ship. He grabbed the keel, heaved a mighty grunt, and righted the vessel. As the sail popped into the sky, the boat bobbed happily again on the water.

Red Beard clambered into the ship and secured the sail. He retrieved his tri-corn hat and glasses and reached out to the princess, who was near death with fright. Barracudas began to circle the ship, waiting to sink their teeth into the delicate flesh of the princess. With one arm, Red Beard pulled the princess aboard and grabbed the rudder. As she swooned in the bottom of the boat, he looked into the sun and turned the boat for shore. The foamy sea splashed after the lovers as they sailed into the sunset, headed for paradise together after their near death experience.

Translation

We went sailing on a sunfish one day when it was really windy. I didn't tack fast enough when we came about and the boat capsized. I was scared of barracudas and forgot to hold onto the keel. Corey swam after it, fixed it, and righted the boat with one fell pull. He yanked me aboard and sailed me to safety before the Sandals rescue boat even got out there to check on us. My hero!