On Lunch Break

I was required to serve on jury duty today. I am on lunch break. This is what has happened so far:

1. I discovered that, no matter how fascinating my new book club book may be, I can't concentrate on reading when there are people to stare at and the constant fear I'll be asked to be a juror on a homicide case.

2. I caught a glimpse of my teammate and public defender looking dazzling in her fancy clothes

3. I learned the man sitting next to me, who borrowed my pen, is a private investigator. We exchanged several interesting stories before he shared this gem, summarized and perhaps embellished a tad: I was working a case investigating nursing home abuse. The workers in a cottage for old people found a huge pepperoni in the trash with a condom on the end. (This part is not embellished at all. Actual condom pepperoni!) The workers assumed a house worker was abusing the patients, so I started interviewing them. As it turns out, one of the workers--a married man with several children and bright red hair--had been using the pepperoni to pleasure himself after the patients all went to bed at night.

I guess it never occurred to the dude to properly dispose of his materials? Anyway, that guy didn't get fired. Instead, a dude who was having visitors on the premises got fired. You can't have visitors over when you work in a group home, I guess.

4. I have no idea how to work coffee machines and became a community project of sorts when I wanted a cup of tea. The hot water gizmo seemed impossible for me to navigate and many, many women and one engineer-looking man crowded around me eager for something to do. In the end, I got impatient with my Earl Grey and burned my tongue.