I have lost all control of my faculties. Wedding/home purchase stress has driven me to madness. I thought the past two weeks of not having daily employment and class would enable me to relax, but no. I thought the best birthday-ette weekend ever (which involved a safe journey through rugby and a bar tour which included out-dancing another bride, tackling wee little Jack and POLE DANCING) would let me unwind, but no.
Then, at the very least, I thought a journey to Zenith for a mind blowing all you can eat vegetarian buffet (including vegan chocolate cakes!!!) would ease my suffering. Alas, no.
Corey, bless his soul, agreed to journey to Dozen to pick up my pre-paid mothers' day cupcake order before I left town. I was leaving Pittsburgh for the last time as a single gal, journeying eastward with just my cupcakes and my trousseau. It was supposed to be stoic with some sort of Van Morrison music playing in the background as the sun set...but Dozen effed up the order! Instead of handing Corey eight delicious cupcakes, they slid him a box of four. On an ordinary day, I would simply call and point out the order and ask for my card to be reimbursed, after gushing again how much I love, love their products. "See you tomorrow and I'll buy some more cupcakes," I would say in my prior life.
Instead, I started screaming and sat on the fouton as snot dripped down my face. "This is a disaster!" I wailed, as Corey rubbed my back in shock. "How could this happen???" My sister stood frozen by the fireplace, not quite sure what to do about a grownup having such a tantrum. I bawled about traffic and a ruined holiday and all my crushed ambitions of sweeping into the backyard with a bundle of cupcakes.
It's like I can see myself removed from my body. I seem to float above my stressing self and watch the wretched being sobbing over cupcakes and think "Well, she sucks." I see the people around me wondering how they could have possibly mistaken me for a sane adult. I want to know when I will regain my ability to handle problems. Where have my troubleshooting skills gone? Where is my resourcefulness? Who have I become?
If I had any clue there was a bridezilla lurking inside, I would have for sure eloped and just gone on an extended backpacking trip to Peru with my husband. Instead, I'll have a glorious wedding and probably spend the entire day curled in the fetal position underneath a table, drinking Jim Beam from a shoe.
After years of nomadic temporary employment, advanced degrees, and chocolate ice cream, a rugger with a love of knitting and a cyclist with no domestic skills signed a Ketubah and bought a house in Pittsburgh.
5 comments:
We won't let you hide under the table, Katy, don't worry.
Drinking Jim Beam? Not so bad. From a shoe? Not so good.
For as "joyous" as the wedding industry tells us our wedding day will be, there's a lot of stress leading up to that day.
Don't beat yourself up. You're not a bridezilla! You're just a person reacting to the large amounts of stress that have recently come into your life.
Keep breathing. Have a good day.
One step at a time, Katy. As long as you can put one foot in front of the other, you will keep going and end up where you want to be. We all love you. Orzo salad is ready to go for tonight!
i bust out lauging at the last paragraph.. it'll all be alright Katy and you'll have an awesome day!
~Val
Everyone has a little bridezilla in them. It's OK. But you should come and visit me for a few days, your other mother would make all the stress go away:+) And if you do hide under the table I'll go along and drink:+) So you were pole dancing that sounds exciting.
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