My Boobs

For the past 8 months, I have thought about my bosom more than I have in my whole life. For a girl who was flat chested until graduation and then exploded into a DD bust, that's really saying something. This means I am now concentrating on my bosom more than an angst-ridden teenager certain she would always have Tommy Keiter sliding calculators across the Algebra II desk that used upside-down numbers to spell out BOOBLESS (55378008...asshole).

I began lamenting my changing chest here and here, when I learned that it's darn hard for a thin-ribbed girl to find big cupped bras. I eventually ordered a few bras from England that have done a pretty good job seeing me through pregnancy. Although, those were all F cup bras with 34 bands. Since that time, my rib cage has opened up to accommodate my fundus and my boobs, well they are for sure coming up and over the sides of those F cups...

Now I begin a new journey in bra searching: transition and nursing bras. I am learning that two things will happen after Baby Love comes out and I try to feed him via my body. First, my boobs will engorge to unbelievably out of control proportions. Like Dolly Parton will probably freak out at the sight of what will happen. An hour later, they'll be back down to my "regular" G cups...hopefully. I need bras for this "transition" time, bras that will expand yet support, bras that will fit. They don't really make such things with my body in mind.

I called my former teammate, who also sported a DD rack before she got knocked up. Her answer to transition time was sports bras. Great big sports bras. She nursed by just pulling her boob out the bottom of the bras and then cramming it back in afterward. She said it wasn't ideal, but the best she could do. Having no alternative, I decided to copy her. I need something ready to wear at the hospital in a few weeks, after all. And they don't just sell things this large in the store for me to try on. I have to order these boulder holders from the internet and allow time for shipping.

Another big busted acquaintance assured me that after "transition" is over, my boobs will pretty much "shrink" down to their current size while I'm nursing.

This friend smiled knowingly and added, "after you're done, he will probably have sucked you down a cup size! I'm only wearing one D these days!!" She spun for me, taking care to note that there is still the same amount of saggy, baggy skin on the boob, just less bulk. Post-nursing boobs are evidently not pretty, even if they are smaller.

But this is good news. Because now I can shop for nursing bras. Great big, size G nursing bras with a 34 band! Now this is only a problem for a million reasons. For instance, you can't put underwire in a nursing bra. And you can't really heft up this big a bust without underwire. I fear I will be walking around with, to use the parlance of my dad, bologna tits. Also, bras of this size are not what you would call inexpensive. I went back to my handy European website, where they have some relatively pretty and theoretically supportive models in my size. Before shipping, I'm looking at $30+ per bra. On sale.

I suppose my point in saying all of this is twofold. I first wish the market was more willing to accommodate women with really big boobies. Because there are lots of us out there. I know more than 20 in my immediate circle alone. We should be able to shop in stores like the C cup women, dammit! We're not so small in number that we need to be ordering our undies from the United Kingdom. Hasn't Oprah made enough impact yet to get some properly sized bras in the stores?

Second, I wish I had been somehow prepared for all of this. Sure, I "knew" pregnancy would change my whole life and my whole body. But nobody ever really sat me down and said, "Katy. Forget about the hemmorhoids and the hip pain and the stomach stretch marks. You need to know that your boobs will grow so large, you won't be able to put your arms down. And they'll ache. And things will spurt out of your nipples and stain your new bras, which will cost you hudreds of dollars and hours of searching time. Hours. This is what it means to become impregnated. Say no to sex."

Anyone care to fill me in on what will happen when I actually begin nursing? I feel ready to hear you now.