Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Trouble on the Garden Love Front

My zucchini is still struggling. For some reason, only one flower blooms at a time, so I can't force the plants to have sex with one another. Instead, I have to sneak into my neighbor's yard in the morning before their German Shepherd is outside and steal pollen from their plants. Again, since I don't know which flowers are boys or girls, I have to rub pollen from all their flowers all over myself and trot back across the yard to smear my plunder on my plants.

My neighbor tells me that she has investigated my problem and thinks I should have planted multiple vines so they would have sex with one another. Since I bought heirloom seeds, I have a monster vine with each leaf nearly the size of my ample buttocks. I don't think there is room on the earth for two of them.

A new flower has opened this morning in my garden, only one. I am waiting, biding my time for when I'll sneak across the fence with a Q-tip and steal pollen (sexually violate?) from their dainty trio of productive squash plants.

The whole ordeal has me very nervous about my pumpkin vines. Also grown from heirloom seeds, these vines are growing long and wild. I wonder if I'll have to go out there and force sex upon them, too. But where will I steal the pollen????


Valtastic said...

You can't force sex on the willing... ;)

em said...

Yes, Katy, don't assume your plants are prudes. It would be hell to be randy but immobile with nary a pollinator in sight.