Thursday, July 06, 2006

Full of Hate?

Am I a hateful being? Am I so brimming with vile negativity that I can't function as a joyous person? As I write this, Dr. N is in the background asking me how to click save and whether she needs to double click the icon. I am actually even sick of complaining about her inability to use a computer! I have never been sick of complaining about anything. Which makes me wonder if I am just full of hate.

It's really fabulous outside today. No humidity. It's one of the coveted 60 days of cloudless skies in Pittsburgh. I have organic zucchini to munch on. Corey cleaned the kitchen last night. How could a girl be unhappy?

And yet I sit here brimming with rage that the University pays me to work the computer for this lady. A high school kid would do this for minimum wage. Corey has said that technology is meant to make people more efficient and that if she can't get past double clicking, she should perhaps not try to use the technology. He's right. She is certainly not efficient using the technology. But why does it bother me so much?

I've gotten to a point where I don't even stop what I'm doing when she requests things because the requests are so horrifying. Save this to the desk top. How do I print more than one copy? What do you mean PowerPoint is a program? Why can't I open my email through PowerPoint?

Perhaps what's really going on here is that I have lost hope for the future of the world. I spend 5 hours with a PhD who has won international awards for her work who can't operate a computer and then move on to tutor football players who can't write. Do I seek out these jobs because I am full of hate and they allow my misery to fester? Am I attracted to these "fixer-upper" people like a moth to a blow torch? What if, when I become self-employed, I realize I am just as much a curmudgeon as the technophobes I have hated working for to date?

I need a chocolate sundae STAT.


east side girl said...

Oh you poor, poor thing. I hope you got your chocolate sundae--they truly are the cure for everything that's wrong with the world.

Blondie said...

When I have days like that, which I often do, it always helps to remember how lucky you are that you know how to double-click a mouse, know how to read, aren't working in some horrible, horrible job, etc, like fast-food, or in some third-world country. When I remember this, I feel better and the little things seem little again.

But you should still eat the ice cream. :)

atomiczebra said...

I can relate to your way of thinking and your feelings and without offending you please try to understand that as humans living in a world dominated by evil we have been bombarted with negative information ragarding how to tolerate each other and ourselves. The next time someone request your help or input remember this....

1. They thought enough of you, to ask for your help.

2. sometimes people know how to do things, but they want you to do it for them or show them how, because they lack self-esteem/confidence.

3. some people are bored or lonely or simply they desire your attention (negative or positive) they feel some comfort in knowing you were willing to help them.

4. often there are things we know and take for granted that others should/may know. Learn not to assume someone knows something just because you know it. You had to learn it too!

5. Patience takes practice, the more you use it, the easier and stronger you become.

6. Love and do for others the way you would want them to love and do for you!

7. You are a GOOD PERSON, and sometimes you may not feel like helping, Don't judge yourself or your motives it is not your fault that you feel this way. It is because evil forces are at work in all of our lives, trying and most times successfully creating havoc.

you don't hate naturally this is a learned condition. You have to make a conscience effort to love yourself and others no matter how vulnerable it makes you feel!

1:43 AM (PST)