Etiquette?

So I just realized that I have quite a collection of etiquette books. I have the Grrls guide to etiquette, I've been reading some Mrs. Beeton. After reading some fascinating Margaret Atwood books, I got really interested in how to run upper class households in the 19th century, so I bought some guides to that. Since I got engaged, I have tons of Emily Post books and stuff from The Knot laying around. Why is this? I consider myself a feminist. Surely I don't agree that there are proper ways to respond to dinner invitations and certain formulas involved in calculating what to spend on a wedding gift. Do I purchase these books out of hidden shame for my enjoyment of burping? Perhaps I feel badly that I don't own lace gloves or a purse?

Last night, I was working with a student on her paper about Adrienne Rich's ON LYING. Rich parodies society's roles for women; she ironically challenges our behaviors. I made this student work very hard to differentiate between Rich's opinion of a "woman's place" and society's definition of the same. The student and I gave virtual high fives, talked about girl power. Today, I started an application process to teach women's studies courses next year.

So why the fascination with etiquette guides? I could tell you I buy them because they're funny or that I analyze them to scorn the women for perpetuating a servile role for themselves. But I don't do these things. I read these guides and secretly wish I wanted a china dinner service for 12. I wish I had glasses for all types of alcohol, sterling silver flatware to bring out for company. I wish I knew the rules of appropriate hours to make phone calls. I wish I sent people thank you gifts wrapped in satin bows around expensive boxes. Why don't I do these things?

I have taken up knitting with fervor, I learned to bake apple pie from scratch this summer, and I infuse my own olive oil. I pick up after a man and I curl up with the writings of the Victorian Martha Stewart. What is happening to me?