Monday, October 24, 2005

Radiator Battles

I can easily see this radiator problem propelling me into madness at the same rate as the drug dealers from my Slum Corps apartment. Remember when I lay awake every night planning intricate ways to make them miserable? How I signed them up for homosexual mailing lists and had tampons delivered to them? How I called the police every single night and talked about them incessantly, wishing horrible diseases on them and feeling very much the righteous martyr? This is not different!

Today, the radiator started to clang at 6:40 AM. Twenty minutes before I was due to wake up. Why oh why could it not wait twenty precious minutes? To think I was considering spending $50 on one of those ambiant alarm clocks that gently wakes you up with heat and light. Wasted money if your radiator clangs like a shipyard for hours at a time!

This morning, in my near death state, I decided I would buy a tape recorder and record the radiator clanging through the night and mail the tape to the landlord. Suzanne from next door said her radiator spits boiling water at her when she yells at it. Perhaps I could videotape the radiator as well. Can't they build a box or sound buffer around the thing? It's only the one in the bedroom that clangs. The one next to me in my office is silently, politely warming my toes as I type. I might just drag our bed through the apartment and cram it into this room. THEN the comparison to the drug dealer apartment would be complete: 2 different places where I've had to sleep with a bed in a room not 2 inches wider than the bed!

I think I have lost my mind. Corey hasn't heard the clanging yet. He also talks in his sleep and leaves bowls of soup lined up on the counter as art, so that's not saying much.


PeaceLoveMath said...

i talk in my sleep, but the clangy radiator would annoy the heck out of me. and i leave dirty dishes lined up on the counter, but not as art - because i'm lazy.

Em said...

That's good art, Katy.

As for the radiator, I would subtly loosen a screw or two and then contact the landlord in a panic--"It's leaking all over the floor! Come quick!" And once the LL is in your domicile, corner him/her like a bulldog (a rent-paying bulldog, mind you; they are twice as tenacious) and do not let go until the exact nature and severity of the clanging has been made clear.

But be careful what you wish for. I had a toilet that rocked side-to-side when you sat down. Now I have a toilet that rocks front to back when you sit down. Fixing the clanging may unleash another, as yet unknown, unwanted beast.