Fury

Whatever was initially wrong with my knee is not improved. I was cleared by my PT to play this weekend and practiced this whole week. At one point Thursday night I came down very hard on my right knee and met excruciating pain. The same thing happened today in the game after 3 seconds, when I tripped and fell down. I wasn't even tackled. Just fell down.

The pain was blinding, throbbing as my heart beat and pulsing through me. Then the rage followed. I am so angry that I am injured right now. I worked too hard this summer and put too much at stake emotionally to be injured this season.

This is my tenth year of rugby. A goal I set when I first took the field was to play this game for a decade and here I am. This was the season the Angels were going to go to Nationals, and I was going to be there fighting and helping to secure a championship for Pittsburgh. Then I was going to produce a baby.

But of course, I had to go and sprain all sorts of things inside my leg. There is such a big, black hole of rage in my heart right now. I have never experienced such disappointment, such fury with my body for being not up to snuff. All I can to is fume and wait for my doctor's appointments this week to see what's really going on.