It all started with the humidity. My face was covered in a perpetual layer of my own slime and the Coppertone sweatproof sunblock I've been slathering on each morning. The lenses on my current glasses have reached such thickness and concavity that my unkempt eyebrows and eyelashes brush against them, smearing the face gunk in hair-shaped brush marks all over my sight line.
Last night, after my bike riding lesson up a series of hills in Highland Park, I could barely see through the smudges. I did the thing old, disgusting men do. I did the thing I have watched, horrified, my teenaged students do. I did what a woman who, with nothing but a sweat-soaked shirt and no other options, must.
I stuck my dirty glasses in my mouth and I licked my lenses clean so I could see to ride home.
After years of nomadic temporary employment, advanced degrees, and chocolate ice cream, a rugger with a love of knitting and a cyclist with no domestic skills signed a Ketubah and bought a house in Pittsburgh.
7 comments:
...which is why some of us wear contacts when big-time sweat is inevitable.
no wonder you have cavities.
eww.. get some contacts and brush your teeth :)
~Val
Haha, awesome.
eeeww, i've never heard of anyone doing that!
i do NOT have cavities! on my last dental visit, the dentist bragged about my excellent teeth to all the students within earshot! cavities are for people like corey. i just have plastic breath.
i think anonymous must be one of the old stinky men you speak of...
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