Feet

FMIL and FSIL and I got pedicures in Portland. It was only my second ever pedicure. My feet are eternally disgusting because I spend so much time in cleats. I was truly embarrassed to stick my hoof in that woman's hand at the nail shop, to have her touch the rhinoceros hide that encases my toes and heels. Before our trip, I had been giving myself practice pedicures at home. I bought a kit and soaked my feet, scraped at my callouses with a pumice stone, stuffed my feet in lotioned socks. Nothing worked.

My foot artist told me not to worry because she sees awful feet all the time. She got out her skin shaver and scraped away until there was a pile of my skin on the floor. My feet are a whole new shape. I had forgotten that the majority of the skin on the outside of my big toes was dead callous. Today, a week later, I still keep staring down at the womanly feet I can't believe are mine.

I now have smooth, shapely toes and heels I would consider touching without gloves. It's so easy for me to convince myself that my feet needed to be ugly because the callouses were protecting me from blisters and aching feet. That's such crap! Every single human should treat him or herself to a pedicure immediately.

Imagine how happy everyone would be if the one most disgusting part of the human body could be soft and nice and not embarrassing. I can't even believe that a person such as myself, who can't abide wearing shoes or socks even in winter time, would not take more advantage of this fabulous service. Now, instead of walking around with Bilbo Baggins hobbit feet, I can prance around barefoot and not be self conscious.