Beaten by Beets

Last night I attempted to make vegan burgers a la Real Food Daily. Everything was going fine until I had to peel and shred a beet. I had never seen a real beet before in person. Is that pathetic or what? I didn't even recognize the brown, enormous leafy thing Corey brought me as a beet. How was I supposed to peel and shred that thing? For all I knew, it was as solid as a yam and the skin was as tough as pineapple skin.

So I did what anyone would do in such a crisis. I called my grandmother. Who proceeded to laugh at me for fifteen minutes. Then she told me what to do and off I went.

Only she didn't forewarn me that everything would become red. My hands. My knife. My cutting board. My Cuisinart. The mixing bowl. The spatula. The frying pan. The George Foreman grill. Everything. Red.

I called her back to report and seek cleanup advice. Lemon juice, as she suggested, pretty much did the trick. But I felt dominated by this new vegetable. Is it even a vegetable? It must be, because it grows underground like a carrot or onion. I will conquer this beet. I have three more left and am going to neatly eat them this week, by God.

Nanny has suggested peeling, slicing, and frying the beets in butter. She also likes to boil them and then spread butter on them. I see that butter is pretty much the solution to all my beet needs. Tomorrow night's side dish will be red and buttery and I will win!